Well folks, I’ve been at my new job five straight days, and I must say, I’m exceeding expectations. My first week’s accomplishments include:
- Limiting occurrences of complete disorientation in our cavernous office building to a scant three.
- Locating the ladies’ room with precision and ease.
- Passing a quiz on credit insurance (I opted not to print my completion certificate. I know in my heart, and that’s what matters).
- Stocking an “emergency” reserve of dark chocolate. Oddly enough, I was faced with no fewer than 12 emergencies during my first week. Good thing this former Girl Scout was fully prepared.
- Not getting canned.
Not too shabby. Do I have any clue what I’m doing yet? Absolutely not. I’m saving the arduous task of actual job comprehension for weeks two through 30.
I’ve also been avoiding my desk at all costs. Not that there is anything wrong with the desk itself. It’s quite spacious and, once cleaned of the sticky residue left by my predecessor, makes for a nice workspace. Its downfall is the location. I am tucked away in a low-ceilinged, windowless basement, which apparently was once used to store files. My fellow basement dwellers are consultants also. I suppose I can’t blame the client for giving their full-time employees the above-ground real estate and dismissing the contractor’s to the underbelly. At least we have a fridge.
Another interesting feature about my workspace is the monitor. Its diameter is the office equivalent of a jumbotron. At first, I felt very cool with my epic screen, in a wannabe hipster-graphic designer sort of way. After a few minutes, however, I realized that my Facebook posts, Pintrest excursions, and casual visits to McSweeny’s
would be immediately visible to my entire workroom. Fear of the client monitoring my internet usage is bad enough. I don’t need to broadcast my browsing to 30 total strangers.
Why the entire office knows what I did on Facebook last night.
I’m also still acclimating to the Real World schedule. Staying awake until midnight isn’t nearly as fun when the alarm clock rears its ugly head at 6:30 a.m. Monday night, I was dragging by dinner, frozen pizza calling me sweetly; however, I had a star ingredient that just couldn’t wait to meet its ultimate destiny: GUACAMOLE!
Really, the chips are just for decoration.
Three plump avocados transported Ben and me from general Monday grogginess to avocado elation to over consumption-induced immobility. The enchiladas (resurrected from the freezer), rice, and ice cream probably didn’t help matters either. I have no regrets. This guac is worth every side-splitting bite. Don’t look back. Finish the bowl.
Leftovers need not apply.
World's best guacamole recipe, along with tips to add extra spice and keep it from getting brown.
- 3 ripe avocados
- 1 lime
- 1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
- 1 tsp. coarse salt
- 1/4 cup red onions, finely diced
- 3 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 large roma tomato, diced
- Using a sharp knife, slice the avocado in half and remove pit (I find the easiest was to do this is to carefully whack the pit with a knife so that it sticks, then pull it out.) Use your knife’s tip to score avocado flesh (don't pierce the skin), making squares, then scoop it into a bowl.
- Slice the lime into wedges. Squeeze juice over avocado. Add the Worchestershire sauce, salt, garlic and red onion to the bowl.
- With a spoon (a regular dinner spoon works perfectly), stir gently until ingredients are mostly incorporated. Don't over mix! Chunky guac is happy guac.
- Stir in diced tomatoes.
- Serve and enjoy!
Switch up your dippers. A few of my favorites include:Blue corn chips. (Archer Farm's blue corn chips with flax seed are my personal preference); Raw carrots; Thinly sliced raw radishes (their bite balances nicely with the guac); A big ol' spoon (Ideal for the most direct consumption) To keep the guac from browning as quickly: Place the pits in the bowl with the guac. Thank you nature for this awesome solution. For an extra kick: Add 1/4 tsp. of cayenne pepper or 1/2 tsp. red pepper flakes.
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Omega-3 goodness, waiting to be unwrapped.
Finished product. Guac for four…or two.