On Self-Doubt and Self-Acceptance: Confessions of an Extrovert

I have a tendency to obsessively rehash then regret my own actions in social situations. It’s a weird form of self-doubt that occurs after the fact, instead of before it. Have you ever hung out with a girlfriend who insists on meticulously deconstructing, analyzing, and plotting on a Venn diagram every possible interpretation of the text message she received from the guy she met at the bar last Thursday? If yes, you know the kind of unproductive behavior I’m referencing. Instead of dissecting other people’s communication, however, I dissect my own.

On Self Doubt, Self Acceptance, and Why I Talk Too Much

Right now as you read this post, I am probably pacing frantically around my house in a state of serious self-doubt that borders on panic. I’m telling myself that I should a) open this post and hit delete, then b) send you all an apology present. How do Pumpkin Snickerdoodles sound? After all, this is a food blog, and no one cares what I think about anything aside from muffins.

Seeing as this post has already been unleashed into the universe, however, I am hoping that we can explore this non-muffin idea of self-doubt together. I’ll share honestly, you can share a little if you feel so called, and then tomorrow I’ll be back with another yummy recipe. Deal?

I think self-doubt affects each of us differently at different times. For example, I have a good friend who is a mess before giving presentations. She usually can’t sleep the night before, and if I asked her to spell her first and last name the morning of, she couldn’t tell me. Then, she faces her self-doubt, stands behind the podium, and gives it everything she has. Even on her worst day, she still feels like a superstar afterwards because she knows she tried her best.

My particular form of self-doubt is different. I rarely feel anxiety during social situations, but afterwards, my confidence falls apart. I’ll spend a fun night interacting with [girlfriends, husband, group of coworkers, in-laws, any other human being whose opinion I value], only to have my self-doubting brain click into Crazy Mode. It rehashes my words, actions, and even facial expressions.

Self-doubt tells me that I talk too much, interrupt, don’t ask enough follow-up questions, am overly candid with my opinions, and generally come off as the self-absorbed, overly excited human being that I so obviously am.

Crazy Brain conclusion: I am annoying. No one likes me.

On Self Doubt and Self Acceptance: Confessions of an Extrovert

This idea of being “liked” is my personal form of self-doubt’s favorite subject. It would discuss the topic with the enthusiasm that my 15-month-old niece displays towards The Very Hungry Caterpillar if I let it. “More! More!

When I seek to determine why I slip into crazy self-doubt mode in the first place, I am forced to admit that it is because I see some truth within it. I’m an extrovert. I love getting to know people, and I love talking. A lot.

I also really, REALLY want people to like me, and my enthusiasm knows no limits. I’m the puppy dog that knows it shouldn’t jump up on your leg, but I’m so excited, I do it anyway. Then, sad to have disappointed you with my behavior, I hide in the corner…until I forget the entire situation happened and do it all over again.

Even we puppy dogs have our limits, however. A few weeks ago, I started to notice how much time I was spending quietly reliving, then criticizing, my own behavior. I’m not proud of it. Our thoughts are precious, and instead of using mine to learn or pray or even dream up new cookie recipes, I was using them to identify and dwell on mistakes.

Therefore, instead of expending my limited reserve of energy hiding in the corner and regretting my actions, over the next few months, I am going to do two things with it instead.

First, I am going to use it to change my behavior.

I’m going to take a deep breath and count to three before I speak to make sure the person with whom I’m conversing is finished with her thoughts. I’m going to ask a follow-up question instead of moving right on to the next burning idea in my brain. I’m going to realize that people don’t need (or care about) every detail. “God gave you two ears, one mouth,” the old adage goes. I should write it on my bathroom mirror.

I hope that, in time, my efforts will become habits and that I will be a better listener because of them.

Second, I’m going to use it to do something for myself that I hope you will do for yourself too.

I’m going to give myself a break.

On Self Doubt and Acceptance

I am an extrovert. I am a talker. I am so eager to learn and to share that an elementary school teacher once limited the number of times I was allowed to raise my hand during class.

These traits are intrinsic parts of who I am.

If I am going to be happy and move beyond (or at least mitigate) my self-doubt, I need to believe, deep down in my heart, that these characteristics are beautiful and good if I want to believe that I am beautiful and good too.

We don’t have meaningful relationships despite who we are; we have them because of who we are. That doesn’t mean I need to let my extroversion be the only aspect of my personality, but it does mean that being an extrovert has value and is to be embraced.

The same is true for you. The things that make you YOU, whether they are your ability to listen, to lead, or to make the most dazzling Excel spreadsheets because DANG you are organized, embrace them.

You are unique, and while (at least in my case) that uniqueness needs tempering every now and then, it’s also part of what makes you the friend/boss/significant other/mother/rock star that you are. The world needs you and your self-ness.

No doubt about it.

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About Erin Clarke

I’m fearlessly dedicated to making healthy food taste incredible. Wearer of plaid, travel enthusiast, and firmly convinced that sweets and veggies both deserve a place at the table. MORE ABOUT ERIN…

88 comments

  1. You are such a genuine, intelligent, giving woman—but we all have moments of self doubt, some of us a lot more than others. I love your tip of taking a deep breath and waiting before speaking. LOL, sometimes I can’t believe what comes out of my mouth!!! By the way, I’m SO envious of your upcoming trip—have a fabulous time!!! I sure wish I could fit in your suitcase ;)

    • Liz, THANK YOU so, so much for these kind words. And for the record, everything I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth has been positive, considerate, and a joy to listen to as well <3

    • I share this trait Erin, but mostly very part-time these days. I am a retired Speech-Language Pathologist. I got paid for yakking, and teaching children to yak as well! Edward Land said, “If you can state a problem, it can be solved.” Sounds to me you’re on your way friend. Deepak Chopra’s recent piece, “Mastering The Art of Listening” might help you nudge that door open a little wider. My current read, “The Female Brain” by Louann Brizendine, M.D. will answer more questions, maybe. Just keep crankin’ out that great grub, and you and Ben be safe.

  2. Yes. This is my extrovery husband to a tee! You’re not alone girl. Blogs are
    Platforms for us to come together and support each other. I am here for you. I hear you and I see you. I think you are amazing. We all have issues. If you took your feelings and flipped it so you were thinking it ahead of a social situation, that is me, the introvert. I love what you said about relationships being what they are because of who we are, very poignant. 

  3. As an introvert I am totally different than you are in social situations. I leave with self-doubt that others will think that I am unfriendly or self-absorbed. I feel that people won’t be interested in what I have to say or that my grammer will be incorrect and on and on.  I LOVE people that talk, I am married to one and he is fascinating to be with and to listen to no matter the subject.  Extroverts have the ‘joie de vivre’ about them.  

    I have a friend that is 5’10” tall, blonde, big dimples in both cheeks, slim…..you just want to hate her, but you can’t.  She walks into a room smiling and all heads turn and watch her.  I use to think it was because of her appearance but now I know it is her smile, she makes everyone feel like they have known her for a long time.  That is a gift, and a very treasured one for sure.

    Is your husband a talker?  If not, he fell in-love with you…..the TALKER!  The one that exhibits the joy of life and everything in it. The one that goes to gatherings and can talk to ANYONE!  So in your self-doubt afterwards, I would think of the good you spread to those around you.  How you have taken the pressure off of them to carry a conversation.  You are successful with a blog so many enjoy, I would stick to your God given formula for life. 

    I would only learn to pause in a conversation because sometimes the quiet ones have something to say…..and it could be how much they enjoy you.  

    • Claudia, how every did you guess that I am THE TALKER in the relationship??? :) Truly, I cannot say enough how much your comment means to me. For what it’s worth, I feel like my introverted friends are some of the most thoughtful, considerate people that I know, and their introversion is one of the things I love about them. Thank you for giving me a fresh perspective, and I am definitely going to allow more pauses in conversations going forward too!

  4. I love you friend, just know that! As an introvert (80% of the time), I love hanging out with you because you make me feel less insecure about my ‘buhhh what should I be saying now?!’ feelings and always have a good way of pulling things out of me that I wouldn’t normally think about (I don’t really know how to explain this, ha!). I adore chatting over a glass of wine with you and know should you ever have these feelings and need someone to just hang with, I’m here! xoxoxo

  5. It’s this I wrote this post myself. I do the exact same thing after social situations and it can have such an affect on your mood. I love your ideas on how to move forward and will try to keep them in mind myself!

    • Amanda, I can’t say enough how much I appreciate your sharing that you have similar feelings too! I’m sure you are a joy to spend time with and deserve a break yourself :)

  6. thank you for this! I feel many of the same things that you mentioned, its refreshing to read this and for you to put it out there!

    • Angela, reading your comment makes me realize that I am not alone in my feelings, and I can’t say enough how refreshing that thought is on my side of the screen too! THANK YOU!

  7. As an extreme introvert, I see these traits (able to make small talk, enjoy talking to anyone and everyone, etc) as huge STRENGTHS that I wish I had! I think you are on the right track giving yourself a break and celebrating exactly who you are! 

    • Kristin, the one time I was lucky enough to meet you in person, I was immediately struck by how kind, warm, and thoughtful you are. YOU have so many strengths that I admire! Thanks for the reminder to go easy on myself, and for your sweet words. They mean so much!

  8. Hi Erin, I think we all have our doubts about something. I find it really interesting how you, as an extrovert (I’m the opposite!), have anxiety about social situations too – just in a slightly different way. For what it’s worth, I’ve been reading your blog for years and I find you very likable and enjoy hearing what you’re up to. :) I’m sure I’d still like you in real life lol. I think it’s great that you’ve come up with some strategies to deal with what you perceive as things you need to work on. In my experience, that’s the best way to get a handle on anxieties.

    • Natasha, your words are so kind, thank you. It’s easy to focus on my own anxieties to the point that I forget that others are going through similar things. And I am sure I’d like YOU in real life too!!!!

  9. On the surface I am completely opposite – 100% an introvert. I wish I could be outgoing, talkative, and put myself out there, but it’s just not me. It’s taken a long time to accept this (and is still a process) but I think self acceptance is a lifelong journey. Thanks for this post Erin and thanks for being YOU!

    <3,
    Taylor

    • Taylor, thank you so much for sharing this and for being YOU! I loved spending time with you in Minneapolis and enjoyed our conversations immensely. I hope we get to hang out again soon!

  10. I feel like you were describing me in this post with one small difference- I’m an introvert who is really good at faking being an extrovert. I get such social anxiety that I tend to rambling on about what ever topic.

    I’m with you about tempering certain aspects but still accepting ourselves and all our little idiosyncracies. Thank yoiu for sharing your heart- it can be scary but it touches other people and is appreciated.

    • Jessy, thank you for sharing this so openly. For what it’s worth, I think my introverted friends and I end up having some of the most meaningful conversations. I bet your friends feel the same way about you! And I bet that you don’t ramble nearly as much as you think…or as much as I ramble :-)

  11. I have the exact same reaction!  I mean exact. Love social situations and obsess over them afterwards.  I try so hard to put this in perspective. Because I tend to think that I make myself more important than what I actually was.  Does that make sense?  In other words, people probably aren’t even thinking about something we may have said , but we are analyzing it to death ourselves.   

    At least we are aware of this trait in ourselves and we can continue to work on it.  I find the less I talk through social situations, the less I worry afterwards.  The positive outcome to that is I have become a better listener!

    Thanks for writing about this. You are a talented girl. 

  12. So much love for you and your extroverted self, girl. Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves of who we are and what we have to offer the world — and you have so dang much to offer. Chin up and virtual hugs from MN! xo

  13. Erin!! I can relate so so much. I thought it was just me. :) I feel so energized being around people socially, but then always second guess what I said, how much I talked etc etc.
    For the record, you are one of my favorites. I knew you were my people when we were sitting at the Cherry Republic bar last summer. <3

    • Aggie, if there is anything this post and these comments has taught me, it is not just you (or me!). For the record, you are one of my favorites too <3 I miss you and hope we can hang out together again soon!!

  14. Here is a quote that I love: “People will love you, people will hate you, and it will have nothing to do with you.” So, try not to worry because there will be plenty who do love and so not worth worrying over those who don’t. Everyone sees people through their own filters, prejudices, and experiences. This has helped me a lot with my “wanting everyone to like me”.
    P.S. Love your e-mails, recipes, and words!

    • Pat, this is such good advice, especially for a self-professed people pleaser like myself. Although I do always want to be a good listener, it’s important to remember that, at the end of the day, I should be confident in who I am. Thank you for sharing this, for your kind words, and for subscribing to my blog too. Truly, it means so much!

  15. oh sweet lady! i don’t think you need to change your behavior with others–all the things you mentioned are exactly why you are LOVED. Direct your inner work to the self doubt period following. That’s the stuff that’s killing your happiness, and a happier you will translate to happy people around you, even if those people get interrupted from time to time. 

    A tactic that really helped a friend of mine is a complaint bracelet. Her issue was spoken negativity, but it can easily apply to that unproductive self doubt monologue. Switch your bracelet from one hand to the other every time you harp on your own actions and it will condition you to put a pin in that negativity balloon. 

    I’ve found that a bright colored hair tie or Fitness tracker band work well for this :)

    xxoxo

    • Phoebe, this is SUCH good advice, and I can’t say enough how much I appreciate it, along with your kind words. Thank you <3 I am going to try that bracelet trick!

  16. Chiming in to say, “me too!”

    Especially to this:
    “Self-doubt tells me that I talk too much, interrupt, don’t ask enough follow-up questions, am overly candid with my opinions, and generally come off as the self-absorbed, overly excited human being that I so obviously am.

    Crazy Brain conclusion: I am annoying. No one likes me.”

    Yup, that’s me after pretty much every meeting and social interaction. You are not alone <3

    • Shannon, I honestly didn’t realize others felt so much this same way <3. I'd for one would love to hear your stories, and I bet your friends all enjoy chatting with you too. Thank you for sharing this so openly!

  17. OMG we are soul sisters. I never shut up. My hubby tells me I can make a 2 minute story last an hour because my train keeps jumping the track and I have to tell everyone what is in my head at the time. *SIGH*

    AND I rehash conversations and emails and texts and tweets to the point of obsession. Then I vow to stop talking so much. Until I see anyone I can interact with…

    So, if you find a magic bullet to make me less talkative or less obsessive about said talking – be sure to share.

    Until then – I am with you sister!!!!!!

    • Laura, I am not alone after all!!!! As so many have shared here (for which I am very grateful), I’m sure your warmth and talkativeness is part of what makes you fun and engaging to be around and why your friends love you. The world needs you, your chattiness, and your stories too :) Thanks so much for sharing this!

  18. You are wonderful, and I appreciate you opening up to your readers about this! I have done this many times myself! I go over a situation multiple times and dissect what I said, how I said it, what I could’ve said or done differently. But the funny thing is, I’m sure no one else but myself even gave it a second thought. I’m sure you are so fun to be around as your writing demonstrates enthusiasm and fun humor. No sense in wasting precious time when you are so lovely and have nothing wrong with you. :) Thank you for being genuine and starting this conversation. I think it’ll be helpful for many including myself!

    • Kori, that YOU for being a part of this conversation! For as long as I have “known” you via this crazy world of blogging, you have struck me as lovely, considerate, positive, and kind. I am sure those lucky enough to spend time with you in person feel the same way!

  19. This is so me. It is so me to the point that this very extroverted person hides in her house because she thinks everybody thinks she is self absorbed and weird and surely nobody likes me. I do this when forced into a social situation or even on the phone or sending an email. I go over each one of them obsessively, only to think I sound like an ass at the end. I’m sure I will do that with this comment also. I’ve stopped commenting on Facebook and don’t comment on blog posts, lol. Thank you for making me not feel like a freak, because that is how I usually feel about myself after social situations, even social media situations. I’m going to try to be better! Thank you!

    • Teresa, I don’t think that about your comment AT ALL. Clearly, we have felt very similar things! I am sure your friends love you for who you are, and I for one am SO HAPPY to have you here and for your words. Thank you <3

  20. I never respond to any posts, until now. I don’t feel that I have enough to say or that it will be useful to anyone. With that said, let me state that I love your posts, and of course, your recipes. After a lifetime of never feeling secure in social situations I have decided that people either like me for who I am or it just doesn’t matter because they are not that important to the grand scheme of my life.  Erin, be content with who you are and confident in what you do. All of your readers love you and we are important in the grand scheme of your life. 
    Enjoy your trip. We all look forward to more stories that will enrich our lives. 

  21. Thank you for sharing – I can totally relate as this is exactly what I do. I’m sometimes a bit apprehensive pre social situation, then fine at the time, then gradually afterwards the anxiety sets in – did I talk too much? Did I say something stupid? Did I listen enough? Was I witty enough? And so on … I usually have to replace that uneasy feeling with another more positive experience like reading a book, watching film etc. I thought this was just me! Glad I’m not the only one out there. It is confusing for others as I seem like an extrovert but don’t feel like an extrovert! 

    • I LOVE your idea of replacing a worried feeling with a positive activity! What a wonderful suggestion. I am sure that your friends love to be around you too. Thank you so much for sharing this. It means a lot!

  22. Oh goodness! I wish I had read this about 20 years ago, because I always felt the same way. Getting older helped me. I guess I calmed down some and also became more comfortable in my own skin. I’m heading toward 60 now and the self-doubt does lessen quite a bit! And most of the time people are usually going home thinking about themselves more than analyzing what you did. But Hang in there – I know how you feel!

    • Susan, thank you for reminding me that I am by no means alone! I hope to continue to feel more and more comfortable in my own skin as I get older. If nothing else, it sounds like we ALL need to give ourselves a break, because, as you said, so many others are at home, quietly worrying about the same things.

  23. You are not alone at all. This is so me.  I do the exact same thing after social situations and it truly affects my mood sometimes. I love your tip of taking a deep breath and waiting before speaking. I am actually doing that more often. Thank you for starting this conversation. It is such a beautiful post and I believe it will help so many people,  including myself ;-)

    • And Olivia, thank you for joining this conversation and for your kind comment. For what it’s worth, from what I can tell via the interwebs/crazy blog world, you are warm and wonderful. Don’t change :-)

  24. Thank you so much for articulating this. I am similarly afflicted, though I know that I care about my actions way more than anyone else would. My partner goes through the same thing, though that does have the benefit that we consider each other ‘out of my league’. Good luck with making healthy changes :)

    • “Out of my league”<—Kit I feel this way towards Ben so often! Thank you for sharing this. You've given me something good to think about, and it is incredibly comforting to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way sometimes.

  25. I loved loved loved this post!! It was like someone crawled into my head while I was sleeping! The only difference is I suffer from before & after insecurities & self doubt. I’m a likeable genuine person and I really do like myself but it takes a lot of interaction to get to know the real me & because of my self doubt I tend to be introverted and no one gets to see the real me. Double edged sword if I ever saw one. Thank you for sharing, it’s nice to know I’m not alone! 

    • Nancy, that IS a double edged sword, and no, you are most definitely NOT alone. Thank you so much for sharing this so openly. It means a lot to me (and to others who can read it and also feel the same way!)

  26. Wonderful post – thanks so much for writing it. In social situations I can be either quiet or talkative, but when I catch myself really excited or emotional about a topic I’ve started saying to myself, “Listen. Listen.” to remind myself not to jump in with my own answer or POV. It’s effective, but I always thought I was a little wierd to need to talk to myself during a discussion. Your post and all the comments are making me feel a lot better!

    • Susannah, it is not weird AT ALL. In fact, I’m going to do it more! Thank you so much for sharing this. It means a lot (and your comment makes me feel better too!)

  27. I’ve been where you are, and I was finally able to move beyond the self-criticism, which in actuality was shame.  I still feel that shame on occasion, but fortunately it is now very rare.  And I’m not an extrovert – I pretty much sit on the fence between extrovert and introvert.  If you can follow through with your plan – without expecting total perfection (expectations of perfection can destroy even the best intentions) – I’m certain that you can change what you want to change.  I wish you the best in your endeavor.  And I also want to let you know that I enjoy posts like this from food bloggers.  I like knowing something about the people whose recipes I enjoy.

    • Susan, this means to so much. Thank you more than I can say for your warm words and wishes (and for being so open to my sharing personal stories too!).

  28. Did you write this for me???  How did you know I needed to hear this so badly today?

  29. Erin, thanks for sharing .. we are our worst critics. you are beautiful and good and I actually love your personality.. and you can drink like a 20 year old guy .. I love it. ❤️️ 

    • Alice, I happen to adore your personality! Thank you so much sweet friend <3. And PS. I never thought of my ability to hold my own as a true "pro", but I think I'm going to start to from now on ;-) You are the best!!

  30. You are perfect and don’t need to change a thing. Love, Grammy

  31. As an introvert, It feels strange that your story resonates so strongly with me.

    In my work life, I am a highly successful and respected professional.  But as soon as the scene changes from work to personal or social interactions, I feel awkward and out of place.  Classic self-doubt:  “Why would they be interested in talking to me?  I have nothing interesting to say, and have no idea how to empathize with others’ feelings.”  So I shut down, and sometimes avoid social functions altogether.  Over time, this avoidance of social interactions bled into my work life – not necessarily affecting my performance, but making me feel so awkward and out of place even at the possibility of social interaction that I have begun working from home.  

    Oh, and it seems that I may be the only (or first) male to reply.  Great – now I can doubt my masculinity too.

    Yes, I’m working on it and yes, it takes time.  Fight the good fight, Erin.

    • John, you are definitely not the first (or only!) male to reply, so you can set that one aside :) In all seriousness, even though I am an extrovert, I have experienced many of the emotions you mentioned, especially feeling out of place. Thank you for sharing this. It’s incredibly meaningful to know that we all have similar struggles, no matter our personality types. If this thoughtful comment is any indicator, I bet anyone would be lucky to have a conversation with you!

  32. Erin, this post really hit home with me, but I’m the introvert. As I’ve gotten older, it’s better, but I don’t like large social situations and always second guess myself on everything from what I’m wearing to what I’m saying. I’ve been reading your blog almost since the beginning and feel like I know you. I have no doubt that you’re a special, caring, wonderful friend and I wish I knew you in real life, even though I’m old enough to be your mom! Thanks for being real and sharing your feelings with us! You’re the best!

    • Sue, I would love to meet you in real life too! Thank you so much for sharing this, and for your sweet words. You seem like a wonderful person, and I’m sure you mean the world to your friends and family too.

  33. Thank you for sharing, there is not enough real talk on the web/social media these days.

    I think that every time your self doubt plagues you, you should stop to think of how boring this world would be if we didn’t have extroverts like you.

    Sincerely,
    An introvert

  34. Erin, thanks for sharing this! I am also an extrovert and a self doubter after the fact – I felt like I could have written this post. It feels like I’ve been struggling with that quite a bit lately, and I am so grateful for your post to remind me that I’m not alone! Thank you for being so open and honest in sharing this message – it really helped me today! I’m going to save it and reread it when I’m back in those moments of self doubt!

    Good luck with the struggle going forward, and don’t let the self doubt keep you from shining your light to the world. You’ve got a lot of great things to share, and you’re just getting started!

  35. Erin, I love all your recipes but I particularly loved this post! Immediately resonated with me as an over-thinker/analyzer, and fascinating and comforting to see it did with plenty of others, as well. Thanks for your honesty and sharing your tips. Very inspiring :)

  36. Thank you for being brave enough to share your insecurities. This introvert really needed to hear that a (seemingly) completely confident extrovert experiences her own doubts.

    You can make those efforts into habits with time. I read a quote once that I remember as “if you pretend to be a caring, wonderful person often enough and consistently enough no one will be able to tell that it doesn’t come naturally.” I think it applies to anything we want to change about ourselves. If we “pretend” to be the way we want to be long enough, it will be the same as if we had been born with that gift.

  37. hey girl love the post! Thanks for being so honest. I’m both ways I get so nervous before I have to speak in front of people and after I talk to people or just a few I start hashing about what I should have said or kicking myself for what I did say! ha crazy how life is huh? I just continue to pray and try to give it to God to handle! That is what he does best!

  38. Instead of the take a break or pause, let me suggest instead an active listening skill. Specifically the skill requires that you repeat back to the other person the essence of what they said and get confirmation from them, BEFORE proceeding with your own comments. Example.
    Me: Winston Churchill blah blah blah. You: Oh so your opinion is that Churchill was a brilliant political strategist because …..da da da. Me: Yes exactly! You: well my opinion is…. OR
    Me: Winston Churchill blah blah. You: Oh so your opinion is that Churchill was a brilliant political strategist because…. Me: Not exactly. You got the main idea but the reasons why are not as you stated. Instead it was really because…. You: So he was really a brilliant political strategist because……. da da da.
    Me: Yes now you understand me!

    Have fun & practice!

  39. I was mostly ignored growing up. I do not really have good people skills(conversation: talk too much, talk to little, what to talk about). Fortunately, I was able to raise confident children that have friends. I only seem to have one or two at a time, though I am friendly with everyone and they seem nice back. My adult children’s friends all think I am cool and some call me mom, because they have lost that parent. It never becomes more. I think I must put out signals unknowingly. I only read your blog, but you seem like a very kind person. I am at a loss as well.

    • Janet, thank you for sharing this so openly. It sounds to me like you are very well-loved by your children, their friends, and by your close friends too. I always say that quality of friendships is more important than the quantity :-) You seem like a very kind person too!

  40. Erin – I love that you posted about this. I, too, share this issue as does my younger son. When I’m comfortable, I’m very social, but I want to please and be liked and I’m open and honest, so sometimes I worry after the fact that I’ve said to much.

    I’m going to start the “count to three” method and give more undivided attention to the speaker with a little less focus on my thoughts on any given subject. I think we all have so many thoughts and ideas and there isn’t enough time to be one-on-one to share, that it’s like we get crazy and just put it all out at once! Thank you for sharing:)

  41. Hey chick, 
    I’ve been thinking about you and so I decided to check in to stare at your beautiful food photos, and then I found this post.
    I think that this is totally normal, and a lot of people ‘rehash’ events in their heads. I know that I’m not an extrovert by any stretch of the word, but I do this, too. In fact, it often holds me up in social situations because I’m so busy worrying about what I’m saying and making sure it’s not offensive. I tend to be a chameleon in a conversation and make the speaker think I’m in agreement and paying attention to them. This leads to me hardly talking in social situations, and shutting down completely in group situations (to many people to keep track of!).
    Anyway, I just want to say that you’re amazing, perfect, and lovable, and this anxiety isn’t serving you at all. We all love the real Erin, just as she is (and yes, I just quoted Bridget Jones Diary!)
    xo

  42. Erin, this was such a great post to read. I feel I can relate! Definitely saved the link for reading it again in the future, and btw I loved the tips at the end that you’re going to try. I’ll try them too.

    • Racheal, thank you so, so much ❤️ I can’t say enough how much it means to me to know that other people can relate to what I thought were fairly isolated feelings. I really hope that these tips are helpful for you. They have been for me so far!

  43. I do this too. I’m convinced every time I talk people think I’m an idiot.  I also struggle with trying too hard or not hard enough.

  44. GIRL!!! I am late to the party and am so happy I clicked to read your inner thoughts. I suffer from this too!! I swear we are related. I kick myself and go in the corner and forget and come back out and do it all again. LOL I almost cried laughing at the entire post because I am the EXACT SAME WAY!! I ask people so many questions about themselves that I am rude. I didn’t even know it was considered intruisive. I overshare my every thought. My facial expressions won’t win me a single dime in poker. The best thing we have in common is giving ourselves a break about our intrinsic nature to be happy talkers and information junkies. I don’t feel so alone in this big world. I have a big mouth sister that loves to cook and am thankful I found her. I just came to the website for the oatmeal bar recipe and left feeling much better.
    Thanks for sharing this nugget with the world.

    • <3 Sukina, I am so happy to hear I am not the only one! THANK YOU for your warmth, enthusiasm, and for sharing about yourself too. I'm so happy you found my blog!

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